Always and Forever

companyhedgehog:

He hadn’t specified where they’d fallen asleep. It could have been in the bedroom before the bath for all their mother knew, but she didn’t inquire further, and Fili felt himself relax minutely, though her skeptical expression, the way she looked them over, and then her motherly smile made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He was fairly certain she could see straight through his clothes to the bruises littering his skin, but he kept his expression carefully contrite. When she squeezed his shoulder, right where Kili had bit bruises into him and his skin was rubbed raw, he bit the inside of his cheek to keep from twitching and smiled gratefully.

The smile vanished as she turned away. There had been absolutely no need to add on that it was rude to stand unless she expected him to refuse to sit. She knew. He stared at her back in dumbfounded horror. It had taken her less than three minutes.

Fili tore his gaze away from her to look at Kili with an expression that was not at all reassuring, but he followed the tug of his hand to the table, reluctantly easing himself down on the seat beside him. He grimaced, shifting a bit to find a more comfortable position. “I don’t know. Maybe. But… if she does, she doesn’t seem that angry.” Or maybe she did. It seemed the more time that passed the more uncomfortable he got. Fili suspected that he would wake up tomorrow in misery. ….But it had still been worth it.

He folded his arms on the table and leaned forward slightly, slouching over the table as he watched their mother move about. There, that wasn’t so bad. When his weight wasn’t resting on his tailbone it barely hurt at all. Damn, he was hungry.

Indeed, their mother didn’t seem angry at all, or at least she didn’t show. She returned only a moment later, with two platters equipped with meat and bread, and by that time Kili had already gathered two mugs of ale for himself and his brother. The scent of food made his mouth water anyway; he gave a smile (maybe looking a little too relieved as she did not question their absence any further), handing one of the plates over to Fili before starting to eat with little regard for whether Fili did the same.

Dís watched them eat, leaning back a little from where she sat across the table, still smiling a little at Kili’s appetite. “Well” she said, “I take it you had a rather exciting day.” Kili choked on a piece of meat, coughing and hastily clearing his throat, forcing down a mouthful of ale to avoid any questioning… which proved unsuccessful of course. “Um, yeah” he answered, “Never shot a stag that size. ‘twas more luck than skill, really, I mean, it stepped on me and all that…” Dís frowned a little. “Did it, now? And did you see Oin about it?” Kili grimaced a bit. “It’s jus’ a bruise, amad. I’ll manage. Though Fee said – uh, I mean, he said it might be helpful to put some ice on it.” Dís’ eyebrow twitched only so much. “Oh, yeah? I don’t doubt that for a second. Speaking of it, my sweet, do you require new oil for your knives?”

Kili stared at her for a second, feeling flushing heat rising in his face before hastily focusing on his food again, suddenly a good deal less hungry. Damn, maybe he’d rather leave it to Fili to speak for tonight.

[The parchment is stained with dirt and another reddish-brown substance of unknown origin. The writing is crooked and ragged as if done by someone who does not write very often; it’s Westron, though the name beneath it is written in the Black Speech.] You lost something. [Folded into the parchment is a strand of dark hair, the silver hairband attached bears Kili’s crest.]

companyhedgehog:

companyhedgehog:

Fili stared down at the parchment in his hands, his fingers shaking as he read the simple message, the words looking so innocuous and yet.. how they stabbed into his heart. His fingertips brushed over the silver hairpiece hesitantly, before carefully scooping it out from the fold, the dark strands of hair clasped in it silken smooth against his skin. “Kili..“ he breathed, the letter falling from numb fingers as he pressed the strand of hair to his lips, feeling tears of fear well in his eyes. A moment later he was pocketing the clasp and the hair, placing it close to his heart, as he ran to saddle his pony for the ride to come. „Don’t worry nadadith… I’m coming.“

The tension eased slowly out of him as he felt his brother’s body relax under his touch. “I will,” he assured him softly, a little flicker of warmth rising up in his chest feeling Kili’s hand against his leg. Just knowing that Kili still wanted to touch him brought him joy, if only in some small measure. Much as he blamed himself for what had happened to his baby brother, he didn’t know if he could actually live with Kili blaming him as well.

Of course, he did not promise his brother that he would sleep right then. Eventually he would rest. For now though, the only thought he had was to watch over his brother, as he had not done before. He continued to stroke his neck as Kili drifted off, his nose resting in the soft mass of his brother’s hair, breathing in the smell of herbs and poultices, and beneath that, the comforting scent of his brother. Fili watched over him as the hours passed, comforted by the peace that seemed to have settled in Kili. This was the only thing that allowed his limbs and his mind to relax, and in a moment of complacency, exhaustion overtook him, and he dropped into a doze beside him.

It seemed only a moment had passed since he’d let his eyes close when he felt Kili’s hand dig into his thigh. His head snapped up and he coughed as his breath stuttered in his lungs, startled and instantly on alert. Fili blinked several times, eyes focusing on the hand and then on Kili’s face as he propped himself up slightly, terrified that he’d let Kili wake from a nightmare on his own. “Kee?” he asked, brushing knuckles over his brow lightly, unable to miss the way his throat bobbed. “It’s alright. I’m still here, I just drifted off, I’m sorry.” He pressed the heel of his hand against one eye, trying to force away the sleep that had settled on him. His limbs felt like lead, but he reached around to retrieve the water from the table once again, nearly knocking it over in the process, but he got it to Kili’s lips without incident. “Here, nadadith. Drink. You’ll feel better.”

He felt Fili startle from his touch, flinching himself which made him wince quietly, and immediately he felt sorry for waking his brother, but Fili’s hand and the mug of water from the bedside table found its way to his lips within seconds, and he couldn’t recall to ever have felt a better taste on his tongue. Swallowing still hurt, but it was considerably less, now that his throat became used to regular drinking at least again. “Sorry” he whispered anyway, “Didn’t mean – to wake you.” His head was still spinning; a bleary glance over to the bedside table showed him that Dís had indeed sent them some food, but despite the numb gnawing in his stomach he did not feel hungry at all. 

“Wh-what time is it, Fee?” He’d lost all feeling of time anyway, focusing solely on the feeling of his brother so close, and the warmth of his skin. He didn’t want Fili to stay awake on his account, as it was obvious his brother needed sleep, but there was also the constant nagging of fear in the back of his head that made his heart skip a beat whenever he so much as closed his eyes. He wanted to feel him, breathe him in, hear his voice, to drown in his brother’s touch as he’d done so many times before, but his own skin seemed a barricade that kept them apart far too much on his account.

He waited until Fili had placed the mug aside once more before shifting as best as he could, leaning the good half of his face against Fili’s shoulder. “Fee?” he muttered, “Can you – not worry so much? ‘m no’gonna die, promise… I’ll tell y’if I need somethin’… but now I need jus’you. Please… can y’sleep a bit or somethin’?”

azaghin:

                                STRONG is fighting
                                it’s  h a r d,  and  it’s 
                                painful     and      it’s 
                                e v e r y day, and it’s
                                what  we have to do.
                                and we can do it.

                                                                   [ t o g e t h e r. ]

Kili sprawled out on the bed, head hanging a bit over the side, the expression on his face being a dramatic showing of an upcoming death of boredom. „Feewee. Pay attention to me.“ (durinsxsons)

companyhedgehog:

companyhedgehog:

„I am,“ he mumbled automatically, though he didn’t even glance up from where he was carefully wrapping thin leather strips around the hafts of the throwing axes he’d just finished sharpening to form the grip. Creating a smooth grip while maintaining the axe’s balance required careful precision.

There were two done, neatly laid out on the floor on a blanket, the last in line still waiting. 

Fili moaned softly against his brother’s lips, swallowing down his gasps hungrily as he thrust into him. One hand wound into dark hair, tangled and now interwoven with bits of grass, the other still cupping his cheek, the thumb stroking over his cheek bone tenderly. Kili’s nails digging into his skin, the tiny spark of pain, only pushed him onward to thrust harder, deeper into him, though he did not stop kissing him, whispering breathless words of love into his skin.

He wouldn’t last long, and he doubted Kili would either, considering the teasing he’d subjected him to. So Fili’s hand slid down between them to curl around Kili’s shaft, stroking gently in counterpoint to the hard pounding of his hips. The slap of skin on skin, their harsh breaths, the hammering of their hearts, and Kili’s voice were all he heard as the world shut off around him. Only Kili mattered, only Kili existed.

Fili’s finger waving into his hair made him look up to meet his brother’s eyes once more, staying vividly focused on them, barely blinking at all. There was only his brother’s touch, between his legs and on his head, and Fili’s lips, soft and warm and his, watching him fall apart, as if time was frozen between them, and they were stuck forever… and then the moment was over, and the heat of Fili’s body was back, causing him to arch up against him, a half strangled cry stuck in the back of his throat as his arms tightened around Fili’s body a bit more. 

“I love you, Fee” he whispered, kissing him again as his eyes slipped halfway shut again, briefly resting his forehead against Fili’s, “I love you.” It was the last thing he managed before the white hot wave of his climax rushed through his veines, causing him to actually cry out this time, pressed so tightly against his brother that it actually felt as if he was melting into Fili’s skin.

Always and Forever

companyhedgehog:

Fili had never been self conscious. He had also never been paranoid. Now he was both. He could feel the oddness of his stride, every step shifting sore muscles, and he knew that everyone else could see it too. Of course they couldn’t. No one knew him so well as to be able to see such a subtle change, and Fili was thankfully very good at pretending like he was perfectly at ease, smiling and nodding at those they passed amiably.

He did however, know that Kili could see it. With him following at his heels through the halls, there was no way he couldn’t. This was a much harder suspicion to ignore, but he did well in fighting down the heat that kept trying to creep into his skin, keeping his head held high and his eyes up. There would be no blushing maidens here. In the kitchens, he smiled just as lazily at his mother as he had at everyone else. Her immediate reaction did not phase him, his smirk only widening in amusement.

The smile immediately vanished under their mother’s steely gaze, knowing that this was the time they needed to be appropriately apologetic or they would get no food until morning, even if they had brought it themselves. Two hours was indeed a very long time to make her wait, and Kili’s apology was sadly inadequate. He glanced at him when he was nudged and shot him an irritated look over his shoulder before turning back to Dis looking chastened. “We were told to make ourselves presentable before offering our apologies. It seems dragging a whole stag home after getting nearly trampled wore us out more than we’d anticipated. We laid down only a moment, amad,” he shrugged and looked down awkwardly, as if confessing a horrible secret, “It’s my fault we fell asleep. I shouldn’t’a insisted we bring the whole thing back in the first place. I’m sorry. I just… wanted you to see it. Kili was amazing. And… well, I didn’t want all that meat to go to waste… and Kili deserves something for his bruises, doesn’t he?”

Well, Fili’s excuse seemed a little more prepared than his brother’s at least. Then again…

Fell asleep. In the bathrooms?

Dís’ eyebrows rose a little, her eyes slowly wandering over the two of them from head to toe. Fell asleep, hah. She smiled, as sweetly as only a mother could. “Oh, well then.” Gently, she squeezed Fili’s shoulder. “I’ll be right over, my darlings. Why don’t you take a seat? It’s rather rude to eat while standing, is it?” Still smiling, she turned around, disappearing to the back rooms.

Kili exchanged a glance with his brother, grimacing lightly. “D’you think she knows?” he muttered rather sceptically, but sitting down anyway before realizing that this would most likely be a problem for Fili. He glanced up at his brother, somewhat torn between a grin (because it still filled him with a twisted sort of pride, brotherly worries or not) and actual worry as he gently tugged Fili’s hand. “It’s only for a moment or two…” Besides, Fili not sitting down for dinner would rather draw more attention than otherwise, wouldn’t it? Now that they would get dinner, though, his mind had eased a bit again; their mother obviously wasn’t too angry – not angry enough to tell Thorin at least, because that would’ve been a lot worse. Besides, his mother’s food could cure almost anything, including bruises and… soreness, he was pretty sure of that.